Dearest college crush, You are so damn beautiful holding all those Harry Potter books, reading them with gusto, bringing them wherever you go; from the other side of the world somewhere in the central park in Manhattan to those old imperial castles in South Korea. Seeing you holding that blue paperback, Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix brings me back to the college library, hiding the book in those obscured bookshelves so that no one can check it out while I wait for my library privileges to be active again. Or that semestral break where I got charged of over baggage in the plane because I checked out all the HP books and brought them home only to read them again. I am such a fun, I admit that.
But what made me smile really is the fact that, of all the girls I liked before, you are the first to have taken interest of the series that inspired me to read books, novels and somehow shaped me to become the story teller that I am today. That’s a really big deal for me. And it ached so much that we are living in a different universe, where I admire you from a distance, hoping that by staring at your picture so intensely, I could break into that void that separates us (This is exactly what Harry did when he missed Ginny so much. Watch out for this detail in book 7) .
Dear college crush, I’m really hoping that someday we get to meet and talk about these books and somehow share what we thought of it. Like we used too, back in the dorm, back in those breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and that faithful day that we played badminton until sunset.
Until then college crush. If somehow we don’t get to manage to see each other in this lifetime, maybe we get to see each other in King’s Cross station, platform nine and three quarters. And if that happens, I’ll make sure to get lots of pumpkin juice, butter bears, cauldron cakes and that whole lot of sweets the train lady is selling, for I know we have a lot to talk about.
Sampung taon mula ngayon malamang hindi mo na maaalala. Na minsan naging ikaw, ako – tayo. Sa mga araw na tayo magkalayo nandun ang pangungulila. Sa’yong boses, mukha, labi amoy at lasa. Pero alam kong di na possible. Na maging tayo muli gaya ng dati. Di na rin ako umaasa, masaya ako na masaya ka.
Madami akong tanong… Madaming haka-haka na sumasagi sa utak ko tuwing, sa katahimikan ng gabi naiisip kita. Akala ko nagtagumpay na ako na wag kang isipin. Nakaya kong wag kang sumagi sa isip ko ng isang buong oras. Na di naglaon ay naging araw. Na naging linggo, na naging buwan, dalawang buwan, tatlo, apat… Hangggang sa, bigla ka na lamang sumulpot sa kawalan at binalik ako sa pag-iisip sa’yo minu-minuto. Hay… Sayang. Nakakapanghinayang. Ang oras. Ikaw. Ako. Tayo.
Pero sumpa man… Di na gaya ng dati. Tapos na tayo. Tapos na ang mahabang nobela ko. Ang isang dekadang pag-ibig na naghulma sa atin. Sa akin. At sa lahat lahat ng alam ko patungkol sa pag-ibig.
It’s August. It’s summer in the western part of the world and the Philippines is on its monsoon season.
The weather has nothing to do with this post. I’m trying to lure my brain into writing as I prepare for the annual concept pitch of the company. This is the most important part of working in television as this will determine if you will be eating dried hay or fresh grass in the coming months. Cut throat world. Danggit!
I’ve been staring at my computer for a long time now. And its raining. I wish ideas would rain down on me as well.
I can feel the disappointment evaporating from me when I press the button that says send. I want to make a fit and throw the cellular phone in the wall and let it shatter like some cheap china. But I suddenly realized that I am not the barbaric kind albeit that I can never afford to buy another phone of this caliber. So I just sit there waiting for the phone to beep. I feel like I am hunted by some supernatural fear. I waited but nothing came. All I can hear was a silent purr from the motorcycles passing by the road a mere 30 meters away from where I sit.
After making a palpable decision of quitting a stable job and diving in head first in the treacherous water of media work four months ago, I can finally say that I made a life changing decision – a good one for that matter. I thought I wouldn’t survive that “pressure cooker” world I suddenly joined but hell no, I know I was a fighter and yes I conquered it. But I will never be as successful without the people who helped me compensate my lack of knowledge in the arena of tv production. Thank you for helping me learn. Here’s to friendship and more.