Dear College Crush

Dearest college crush, You are so damn beautiful holding all those Harry Potter books, reading them with gusto, bringing them wherever you go; from the other side of the world somewhere in the central park in Manhattan to those old imperial castles in South Korea. Seeing you holding that blue paperback, Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix brings me back to the college library, hiding the book in those obscured bookshelves so that no one can check it out while I wait for my library privileges to be active again. Or that semestral break where I got charged of over baggage in the plane because I checked out all the HP books and brought them home only to read them again. I am such a fun, I admit that.

But what made me smile really is the fact that, of all the girls I liked before, you are the first to have taken interest of the series that inspired me to read books, novels and somehow shaped me to become the story teller that I am today. That’s a really big deal for me. And it ached so much that we are living in a different universe, where I admire you from a distance, hoping that by staring at your picture so intensely, I could break into that void that separates us (This is exactly what Harry did when he missed Ginny so much. Watch out for this detail in book 7) .

Dear college crush, I’m really hoping that someday we get to meet and talk about these books and somehow share what we thought of it. Like we used too, back in the dorm, back in those breakfasts, lunches, and dinners and that faithful day that we played badminton until sunset.

Until then college crush. If somehow we don’t get to manage to see each other in this lifetime, maybe we get to see each other in King’s Cross station, platform nine and three quarters. And if that happens, I’ll make sure to get lots of pumpkin juice, butter bears, cauldron cakes and that whole lot of sweets the train lady is selling, for I know we have a lot to talk about.


Sampung taon mula ngayon malamang hindi mo na maaalala. Na minsan naging ikaw, ako – tayo. Sa mga araw na tayo magkalayo nandun ang pangungulila. Sa’yong boses, mukha, labi amoy at lasa. Pero alam kong di na possible. Na maging tayo muli gaya ng dati. Di na rin ako umaasa, masaya ako na masaya ka.

Madami akong tanong… Madaming haka-haka na sumasagi sa utak ko tuwing, sa katahimikan ng gabi naiisip kita. Akala ko nagtagumpay na ako na wag kang isipin. Nakaya kong wag kang sumagi sa isip ko ng isang buong oras. Na di naglaon ay naging araw. Na naging linggo, na naging buwan, dalawang buwan, tatlo, apat… Hangggang sa, bigla ka na lamang sumulpot sa kawalan at binalik ako sa pag-iisip sa’yo minu-minuto. Hay… Sayang. Nakakapanghinayang. Ang oras. Ikaw. Ako. Tayo.

Pero sumpa man… Di na gaya ng dati. Tapos na tayo. Tapos na ang mahabang nobela ko. Ang isang dekadang pag-ibig na naghulma sa atin. Sa akin. At sa lahat lahat ng alam ko patungkol sa pag-ibig.




Habang buhay…


It’s August. It’s summer in the western part of the world and the Philippines is on its monsoon season.

The weather has nothing to do with this post. I’m trying to lure my brain into writing as I prepare for the annual concept pitch of the company. This is the most important part of working in television as this will determine if you will be eating dried hay or fresh grass in the coming months. Cut throat world. Danggit!

I’ve been staring at my computer for a long time now. And its raining. I wish ideas would rain down on me as well.


What measures success?

Everyone dreams of becoming successful. When I was a kid, my cousins or anyone in the family, specially mother would ask me, what I want to be when I grow up. I’d say to them that I want to be a pilot. Aircraft was my fascination then. But dreams change as we grow old. And the dreams we had as kids were mostly the dreams we never pursue. As for me, my dream of flying planes was changed into making it happen to someone in a make belief world we call television drama.

I had a conversation two weeks ago with friends. One of them shared a funny moment with his little cousin. He told us that when he asked his little cousin what she will become when she grows up, she answered him, she doesn’t know yet. But she is certain of something, she does not want to be poor. We all had a good laugh. Kids as young as 4 years old know that being poor means being oppressed, powerless and living a hell of a life.

Funny as it may seem, but kids know what the leverage of success is – that is the amount of money you have. Purist or shall I say moralist would argue that success is measured by the happiness you feel within. Bullshit I say. Money makes everyone happy. Thus the cliche, “Money makes the world go round”

When I was in third year high school we had a class debate about the weight of money as equivocal to ones happiness. I was the representative of the minority who claims that money makes people happy more than anything else. I was able to defend our case and won that debate. After that, I felt like a pariah because most of my classmates mocked me about my reasoning. Looking back at it now, I think the status quo hasn’t changed. Money, no matter how they say that it is the root of all evil, is still the iron grip that says one is happy and contented with his/her life.

As a twenty something, I know this might sound wrong for some people my age or ahead of me, but I think that at this point in our lives, money is our lifeblood and motivation to pursue a successful life. It’s not the happiness and contentment we get from working our asses off in our dream job that fuels our will to go on and face the perils of working everyday. It is the rewards, our salary, that makes us thrive and continue. No matter how you love your job if it does not compensate well, it’s still a crappy one.

Bottom line is, money measures success. If you have lots of it, no one cares if you are an undergrad from some low performing school or if you are just a bus boy in a five star restaurant in Bratislava.

Scared Shitless – A text message gone rouge

I can feel the disappointment evaporating from me when I press the button that says send. I want to make a fit and throw the cellular phone in the wall and let it shatter like some cheap china. But I suddenly realized that I am not the barbaric kind albeit that I can never afford to buy another phone of this caliber. So I just sit there waiting for the phone to beep. I feel like I am hunted by some supernatural fear. I waited but nothing came. All I can hear was a silent purr from the motorcycles passing by the road a mere 30 meters away from where I sit.

For us who made it happen

After making a palpable decision of quitting a stable job and diving in head first in the treacherous water of media work four months ago, I can finally say that I made a life changing decision – a good one for that matter. I thought I wouldn’t survive that “pressure cooker” world I suddenly joined but hell no, I know I was a fighter and yes I conquered it. But I will never be as successful without the people who helped me compensate my lack of knowledge in the arena of tv production. Thank you for helping me learn. Here’s to friendship and more.